The Everyday

I realized I haven't written a blog for a while. Life has been moving at a faster pace this month, between my brother James getting married, to a concert, grad parties, and other events. This weekend will be the first weekend back to "normal" and I am looking forward to relaxing and being in my usual routine. Also, I started working again last Monday and that has taken some energy. The first day back I shed some tears with clients and we gave each other hugs, and then I put my own issues on a shelf, and told them to tell me all about them and their own issues...it was a nice break from my own! I feel that as I'm getting a bit older and have more experience in the mental health field, I recognize my own strengths, limitations, and how I can be most effective. I definitely am more effective when I am transparent and genuine with people.

I also have noticed that I have been doing lots of things and projects around the house. This feels very therapeutic for me. Jason just tells me to not analyze it, but just live it. I keep on hearing the voice of God say, "Just let things run through your system." I don't have to label things as right, wrong, or indifferent; I just need to accept whatever stage I'm at and let things run through my system -- to not put a label or judgment on it. That is freeing for me!

We converted Norah's room to an office and I put up gender neutral curtains and decorations in there, so when I look over there I don't see the loss of a dream. I see the loss of my little girl and delayed dreams. I can live with that truth. Surprisingly, when I look at the office now, I don't get sad. I feel like each week I am getting stronger. I feel like I have more energy, which is amazing. After being pregnant for 8 months and then heavy grieving for about 3 months, I forgot what it felt like to have a normal amount of energy! It feels good to be able to do things, work some, and hang out with the kids.

A prayer request I would have during this time is medical/doctor stuff. I am going to a high risk pregnancy doctor in 3 weeks to do a pre-pregnancy consultation. We are going to be working with a high risk pregnancy doctor from Abbott both before and during my next pregnancy. I'm also going to a natural/holistic doctor today. I feel like I need to go today and I've had this appointment set up for a month, but I'm not sure what to expect. Jason and I are needing wisdom with how to move forward. Thanks friends!