The Deep Ache

My heart feels empty this morning, aching and longing for someone I cannot have. It feels practically unbearable. The emotions translate to my body, and my body even aches and hurts. I feel completely emptied. I understand why people are addicted to things - drugs, sex, food, people, shopping, drinking, and the list could go on and on. I see how when people feel this emptiness, they run to things to numb this feeling, to make it go away. They want to somehow dull the ache and escape the depth of their emotions. If not filled with hope, it quickly goes to despair, hopelessness, depression, and pain. I have begun to recognize when I feel the emptiness. It used to scare me but now I know I can fill it with God's love, light, peace, joy, and life. This is the number one reason I know God is so real, because after all the studying of psychology, counseling, human brokenness, societal issues, social work, the mental health system, and seeing clients for several years -- the only solution to the deep ache and longing in our human condition is Jesus. No other thing, person, drink, food, clothing item, next endeavor, nothing, nothing, nothing can fill this place.

God isn't a side thing for me; He's all things for me. I haven't been perfect in this. I have run to different things throughout this time, expecting and hoping it dulls the pain...and it does for a while. But God comforts those deep places, and that is how he created me/us...to be needed in the emptiness, the ache, longing, the desert, wilderness...whatever we want to call it.

And let's not forget another weapon I have. It's called faith, and it believes in what cannot be grasped or seen yet. It not only fills the empty places with hope, but it casts my vision onto the future with a heart full of promises. It causes my eyes to look to the hills, to be so emboldened to see my future with the promises fulfilled. To not be beat up by the crashing waves or the circumstances. So not only can my heart be filled but my vision can be restored. Faith is a supernatural ability to believe in God's goodness amidst the hardship. It's an ability that does not come from my own resources but is powered by the Holy Spirit. I rest in what God says and the faith He works out in me will be the weapon against fear, discouragement, and hopelessness. Today He brought me to Hebrews 11, to remind me of the faith stories that have gone before me. God promises me vindication, restoration, and He promises me natural children. I cling to these promises so they may battle my fears. The enemy's greatest weapon against us is fear. From fear he plants doubt, despair, disappointment, and all of the other things related to that. My greatest weapons are faith and love - because faith fights fear and love casts it out.

Lord, let my roots grow deeper in you. Let my garden grow richer, more colorful and more fragrant. Let my experiences in you deepen, so that when I see you face to face, it will be as though we are familiar friends, reuniting once again.