The Anchor

The only thing that heals my bleeding heart is love. Love, understanding, acceptance, patience, hope, trust, safety, true friendship, and extra doses of love. In a world where we are told to be everything else but ourselves. In a world where we can't fully be and are expected to do; this is my healing ground. In a world where we are pressured to perform. I have found that I have to be my advocate. I have to express what I'm feeling, otherwise I am bottled up inside and there is no translation for my bleeding heart. There's nothing worse than feeling alone in grief; it's a sure way to spiral down fast.

What my soul and spirit needs is an anchor, a place on the inside that brings unprecedented peace. The anchor brings consistency, safety, assurance, clarity and so much more. The anchor holds me down with the crashing waves. When I feel anchored, there is a security that rests in me. It calms anxiety. There is a recognition that I, on my own, am not capable of doing this by myself. There's a recognition that there is a much greater, all-powerful, and capable counterpart that has my back and will get me through all things. There is a firm foundation and a rock that blesses my soul, flourishing the inner most parts of who I am. His name is Jesus and he is the realest, most tangible person I know. Thank you Jesus, for being my closest friend, my biggest ally, my powerful partner, and my devoted lover. Although I cannot see you in this room with me physically, I know you are here. I see you with my eyes of faith. And you are the most complete and perfect Being who can fulfill my every need. You come into those empty places and fill me with all sorts of good things. I am so relieved to call you my closest friend. Thank you for being so available and close and perfect. Thank you for your unselfish love, your empathy, listening ears and understanding. You owe me nothing and yet you give me everything. Thank you for taking care of my little girl. She is so happy with you and you are a good God, a trustworthy God. When my heart aches you are here. You are so faithful. My longings and desires for company and complete intimacy are here, with You.

Yesterday my step son Jake had a heavenly vision. He is very sensitive to the spiritual realm. He described what he saw and explained it to me. He saw a golden gate with two angels. He then saw Norah, my little girl. When asked what she looked like, he said she had curly red hair and a dress made of jewels. He then saw a bunch of children and said that these children died when they were little. He saw animals that talked. He then saw Jesus, wearing robes.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."

Lord, open my eyes even more, to be able to see you. Remove the veil from my eyes. Thank you for Jake; what a blessing he is, beyond what I could have asked for in a son. Thank you that Norah is safe and sound in your arms, that no matter where she goes in heaven or what she does, that she can see the face and talk to the anchor of her soul, that she can know true love in her very first breath, and peace floods and encompasses her being every moment of every day. Thank you that she knows me and recognizes me. And even more, thank you that she will always know you.